Lifestyle & Travel -

The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want (or Planning My First Mini-Retirement in Hawaii)

Lifestyle & Travel -

The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want (or Planning My First Mini-Retirement in Hawaii)

Travel is never a question of money, but of courage. – Paulo Coelho

I know I said I was going to start going on extended world travel in 2012, but the universe has given me the opportunity to begin experimenting with that goal much sooner! Me and my co-author have been invited to speak at the 2011 Hawaii statewide nonprofit conference in Honolulu during November 29-30 and we couldn’t say ‘yes” fast enough. Yay for fun business travel! So I thought, why not stay for a while and get in some rest and relaxation on the beach? And that’s when the lizard brain kicked in . . .

Planning My First Mini-Retirement

As soon as I made the decision to stay in Hawaii for a few weeks, the lizard brain came along asking me all sorts of questions. Hawaii is expensive; how are you going to pay for all this? How long will you be able to stay there before you go broke? Are you really planning on staying in Hawaii for weeks with no concrete plans?

Oh, yes. Yes, I am. Why?

Because having the freedom to do whatever you want means nothing if you’re not brave enough to do whatever you want.

Despite my bold declarations,  it took me months to buy my plane ticket, even though I knew it would be reimbursed by the client. (Hint: this kind of procrastination one of the most obvious forms of self-sabotage.) But last week, I finally booked my flight to Honolulu. This will be my first “mini-retirement” (see The 4-Hour Workweek, Lifestyle Design and Why It’s So Hard to Tell the Universe What You Want) and I will be living there for 3 1/2 weeks. Until now, I’ve never left home for longer than a week at a time.

I’ll be living on the cheap while on the island, so I’m looking at staying in a hostel or the dorms at the YMCA. I also have a few personal and professional connections there so I won’t be totally lonely. I’ve already begun scoping out Meetup groups as well as local networking events, not to mention the awesome nightlife on the weekends. During the week, I plan to be at the beach as much as possible!

The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want

Amid all the excitement though, there is still this latent fear in me that I’ve been trying to pinpoint. Why would I be afraid to go to Hawaii? I’ve been there before. Hell, my family lived there for 6 years (1994-2000) after my mom married her first husband, a Navy man. It’s one of my absolute favorite places on earth. And yet, there is some apprehension there. Where is this irrational fear coming from? What’s going on here?

I’m afraid I won’t want to come home. 

And beneath that is the deeper fear that I no longer have a “home.” Without being tied to an apartment lease or home mortgage (or a bunch of stuff to lug around with me), I am able to go wherever I wish to. I am free. And right now, I’m terrified of what that means.

What are YOU afraid of that’s holding you back from pursuing your ideal life? If you can’t find an answer that feels true for you right now, keep asking until you can see the fear for what it really is.

The post The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want (or Planning My First Mini-Retirement in Hawaii) appeared first on Happy Black Woman.


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